Half way there...

On the way to work this morning, Bon Jovi kept me going on my attempt at eating only brown rice for 10 days. I thought it was kinda cool to hear "Livin' on a prayer" ... "we're half-way there....... " as I was driving today. Today has been harder, and easier than any other day. I want to eat something really badly...but not really because I'm hungry anymore or that anything really sounds good anymore. Well, I take that back. While at Whole Foods tonight picking up some short grain rice for "variety", I also bought a new brand of veggie burger that doesn't contain soy- because it sounded so so very good. It's frozen and will be just great, I'm sure, when I end my fast. I'm at the point to where just a bite of something different sounds awesome. Like a bite of jarred mushrooms... or pickled okra... or a bite of veggie pattie.... or some of my awesome homemade veggie TVP sloppy joe's... oh god, I better stop. Today is the first day I've found it really really hard to get enough calories into my system and have started to feel a little... um... disoriented. No headaches, or pain or anything... just kinda disconnected? Anyway... I will have to be sure and eat more and more often for the remainder if I don't want to get sick. I know that 1000 calorie a day diet is something drastic and only done for a short period of time, typically. I added up today's calories... in the neighborhood of 475 calories. Um... that's a lil too low to be healthy... so, force feeding myself more rice from now on. I feel good... I need more energy from food because this weekend I want to keep busy doing active stuff outside to take advantage of the nice weather we are supposed to have. Anyway, as of now... half way there on this brown rice adventure. I have doubts if I'm gonna make it the whole 10 days... I didn't last time and I really want to ... it's just difficult. I'm going to bed.

Brown Rice Fast

Today is day two of my hopeful 10 day brown rice fast. This is not my first time in the rodeo, but I remember the last time I embarked on this, I basically stopped eating at day 7. BAD. This time I feel convicted to go as long as I can, and continue to eat adequately. Day one was A LOT harder than I remember day one being last time. By the end of the day, I was hungry. Really hungry. Like, I wanted to quit. Already? Day one? I asked myself...no I will continue. I was kinda pissy last night, too. Angry at Brian for no real reason, but not interested enough to be mad for real... and just probably frustrated that I couldn't cook my rice to a nice texture. This morning, however was a new morning... a new outlook. My shower took 20 minutes today. I felt good ... I felt alive, I felt calm... I felt smoother-my skin, and my motions, my thought processes. I felt more confident, actually. (A really good, few and far between emotion that I so welcome... ) Usually I start getting this rush of thoughts that I want to accomplish when I feel confident... like this stuff has to get done immediately. Today, I felt those thoughts welling up... but the anxious feeling didn't follow... it was like, I knew what I wanted to do, but felt clear... and again, calm. I have a new encouragement to continue...

Coming to terms.

I'm trying to come to realizations about my life. My life as it is, as I perceive it, and as I dream it to be. I break down the "days of my life" in little chunks and dissect it so often that I find my self thinking about it more than actually living or enjoying it. That makes me sad. BUT!- Also, I find myself on some sort of scraggly path (I have thought before I was not on a path with a direction to anywhere...just merely floating all the time.) but lately I can see a general theme and slight direction in glimpses. Also in these glimpses, I do find myself learning and experiencing.... thoroughly. Sometimes the result is JOY.
I have been down on myself because of many factors... they always seem to be the same reoccurring themes: body image, health, drive, philosophy, and something that effects me maybe the greatest is the fear that I am not doing what I should be doing, career and creatively speaking.
I go to work every Monday through Friday and sit in an office under fluorescents, in a cubicle, and am shut off from the world and largely, myself. I try to live a duality most days, fighting with my creative self and my practical self. MOST days I just feel drained. I try to inject bits of my true self everyday at my workplace. That is difficult. I sneak little sanity snacks through design blogs I read online between filing. Sometimes it makes me feel worse, sending me into a shame spiral that I can't find the courage to look around and run out of my office shackles. Other days, it's what keeps me going crazy from them. So today on one of my random wandering about online, I find something that comforts me greatly. Summerpierre. This just one of those great moments that puts things back into perspective for me. I am happy that I could be doing a lot worse, and encouraged to keep doing more things that do make me happy (instead of just dreaming and wishing that I would....)
So, today I want to put this down in writing(typing) and make me try to remember this feeling.

Personal style.

This is just a quick word of advice to novices, or those who think of themselves as design-challenged. One of the most talked about issues that people ask me about design is that they feel they don't know their style. Here are some of the things I always tell them. Start simply. If you are moving into a new place, or feel like re-doing a room, envision the space empty. Then, imagine how you want to use that space. For example, do you want to exclusively do yoga there? Have dinner parties for a lot a people at once? Read? Sleep? Cook? Watch tv? On and on. I say that is the easiest way for you to start to figure out what you will need. After that, close your eyes and think about places that you both love to be and places that make you uncomfortable. When you think of these other places, you will immediately have describing words for your style. Again for example: is one of your favorite places a certain bookstore? Why do you like it there? Is it quiet, warm, comfortable? Is one of your favorite places a huge bank lobby? Why that one? Is it uncluttered, sleek, simple? How about places you dislike... possibly work? Why? Is it loud, busy? Do the colors make your stomach turn? Next think of your favorite pieces in your wardrobe. Think about why you like each piece. Do you have a shirt that you feel amazing in? Do you love the color, style, fabric? Is there a type of clothing you would never wear? AGAIN, why? Once you start thinking in this way it becomes easier, and more clear what your personal style is. Your home should be your solace, your place to escape the world, and the place to express your personality. Many people often ask me if this piece of furniture would "go" with another. The best advice I can give anyone is. If YOU like it, and feel drawn to it (no matter what "it" is: furniture, a vase, a lamp, etc.) than I promise there will be a unique harmony in your space. The only way something doesn't "go" is if the object itself makes you feel something bad... ex: it was a gift and you feel obliged to keep it even though you don't need or want it, really. Or, if you bump your leg on it every time you try to navigate from one place to another- it may not be functioning as well as it could for you. Items that do not speak to you in any way and just merely take up space are useless. An old adage is "form follows function". Which is to say, the reason a chair is shaped the way it is, is because it accommodates a person sitting in it. Think of those actions you want to take place in your space again. A bedroom: it's easy to pick a bed when you know how you want to feel in and around it. If the idea of a low, simple, uncluttered bed sounds good... then do it... There is no wrong or right in design. Things do not have to cost a lot. Things do not need to mean anything to anyone else besides you. Don't worry about right or wrong, and you will be free to make decisions that please yourself.

Beddding

Bedding is on my mind today... and springtime and (always renewing our interiors to feel fresh...)

This is the direction I think I might be going: clean, simple, few colors. Browns, whites, cremes, mochas...
And from one of my new favorite places to find "stuff" Etsy has this pillow:

Do you replace your bedding with the seasons, your mood, etc? I'm going to attempt constructing a headboard for our bedroom this weekend, also. I need something that will give comfort and style to our plain "just a bed" bed. I'll try to post pics if this ambition comes to fruition. :)

Bamboo.....

I've always loved bamboo as a natural, strong, quick-replacing resource for everything from floors to dinnerware and everything in between. I've also always liked the idea of ladders for towel storage and display... and these are cool.

Floating Towels...

This is a really cute idea. This shelf from Umbra is great for books or towels...